


Migraine

by kirogaraii



Series: A Bitter Sweet World : ShuuKazu [6]
Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: (the topic of Kidnapping is briefly mentioned), (two chapters for the price of one), (very angst..angsty edgy man..), Angst, BitterSweet AU : ShuuKazu, Canon Disabled Character, Gen, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mutual Pining, Other, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23879983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirogaraii/pseuds/kirogaraii
Summary: Shuu Iwamine feels hopeless.But that feeling isn’t unfamiliar.How well can he mask his feelings and slip past the wandering eyes?
Relationships: Iwamine Shuu/Nanaki Kazuaki (Original), Nanaki Kazuaki/Uzune Hitori
Series: A Bitter Sweet World : ShuuKazu [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623460
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Migraine

_ …Why do I feel like this? _

_ …Why can’t I stop? _

Those are the thoughts that have been gnawing at the back of his mind for almost a decade. Like the long string of a cherry bomb, it’s spark is weak, but continues on and on until it inevitably reaches the end and results in… a tragedy. And it has been known to him for a long time that the only way he can keep that spark in place, and not continue for- nor backwards, is to put a little metaphorical lid on it.

The spark is muted. Glistening away in a dark room in the back of his mind. But every now and then that lid is knocked off, and the string lights up once more.

He is a ticking time bomb, without a clear timer.

Shuu took a look at the day in the calendar, and then returned his gaze to the documents on his desk with a slouch in his back. It’s just midday, why does his head hurt so much?

With a headache like this, no wonder the lid was knocked off. He massaged his temples, exhaling bitterly while his other hand searched around his bag for a dear little bottle of pills. Although once the Ibuprofen was in his hand Shuu realized that taking a drug like this will be useless if he… ah, he hasn’t eaten, has he. Only when he puts his mind to it does he feel that itching in his stomach begging him to have at least one proper meal a day… But even that comes as difficult. At least it’ll be warm.

His forehead thumped along with his heartbeat as Shuu stood up from his desk chair, forcing his eyes shut for a moment, waiting for the pain to ease just a little bit. Apparently caffeine is not a good replacement for water as a whole. Shuu knew this, of course, as a world renowned doctor. But Shuu knows a lot of things that he doesn’t necessarily act upon himself.

Taking a pallet of pills and a cup of noodles in hand, and the infirmary keys in the other, doctor Iwamine left the room.

If there was a coffee machine and a microwave available in the infirmary, chances are that he’d never stand up from that chair again.

The walk from the infirmary to the staff room is fortunately not very long. But feeling like slicing half of his skull off would hurt less than this, surely made every minute a bit unpleasant. He stretched his neck, hearing a crack, and continued on. And as if this god awful headache isn’t enough, there was still that on his mind… all of it… and all of it more…

_ …A promise…And… _

_ …Those students from January…How could he have let that happen? _

…There’s the little kitchen corner of the staff room. A coffee machine, a water boiler, some plates, a lot of mugs… He’ll just need the water boiler this time.

Shuu filled it up with tap water and set it on to start heating up. Those are always some stressful two minutes.

His few hours of sleep, paired with dehydration, paired with hunger, and those words swirling around in his mind… it all robbed him of focus, and instead made him very very tired. The thing that kept him awake right now may have been solely the throbbing headache in his skull. The staff room was so quiet, even more than the infirmary, because here additionally all the windows are closed. The air is stuffy. Low oxygen triggers the mouth to open wide and inhale… In other words, Shuu covered his mouth to yawn for an annoying few seconds.

…Sweaters really are such a pleasant fabric, as is his labcoat. Even though he is standing up, the urge to doze off… if he could just lean against the countertop…

_ “SORRY FOR THE WAIT, EVERYNYAAN~! ♪ _

_ I’M A BRIGHT BRIGHT GIRL! (CHUU!) ♪ MY HEART GOES ‘DOKI DOKI’ WA WA WAA! _

_ HATOCATCH PRETTY COORE! ♪ _

_ WA WA—” _

Shuu physically jumped up and felt every hair stand up on his body, his heart literally, ironically stopped.

“I’M SO SORRY—!” he suddenly felt another voice, the voice of a man, or boy at least, unlike that high pitched girly chirping. “O-Oh god, oh god how do I turn this— off—!!”

Once his soul returned to his body, Shuu looked over his shoulder for the source of that ungodly noise and saw, how could he have possibly missed it earlier… Professor Nanaki, who seemed at least half as pale and shocked as Shuu. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I thought my volume was off—?!!”

But Shuu just stared for a few seconds, breathing in and out. That rise in blood pressure was bound to… yes. He screwed his eyes shut again once a wave of throbbing pain hit his head. Seeing this, Kazuaki gasped and slapped hands over his mouth, “O-Oh god, did I scare you?! I’m so sorry! I’m—”

“It’s f… fine.” Shuu hissed out through gritted teeth, “I didn’t realize you were here…”

“Oh, um. I saw you walk into the room but didn’t say anything, I’m sorry… You looked busy, so….”

Kazuaki didn’t know why he didn’t greet the other when he entered the room, he had no excuse. Which only embarrassed him further. Iwamine is such a scary person, and out of everyone in the world he had to annoy exactly  _ him _ ! Kazuaki wanted to cry, except…

Shuu didn’t actually seem angry…

“...Huh? Are you in pain?” asked Kazuaki carefully, “Are you okay?”

For a reason completely beyond his understanding, Shuu felt a suspicious shakiness in his breath as he inhaled, but stiffened his muscles enough to let the sensation go after a moment. He inhaled again, “...I have a headache.”

“O-Oh, I see. I’m really sorry… Maybe if you have a very bad headache, you should leave work early? That’s what I’d do…” suggested Kazuaki honestly.

But Shuu scoffed the idea off, “...Hah. Hahaha. I don’t plan on doing that any time soon, unfortunately. You can stop worrying.”

The boiling water bubbled behind him audibly, and once the switch flicked off, Shuu’s focus finally returned to the cozy and shady corner of the room, and lifted the boiler. He poured the water into his instant noodles, but his left hand still felt cotton-like from fatigue. As he was carrying the pot to its spot again, his wrist turned. Hot water spilled down onto the counter. The sight of steam made Shuu flinch again. “Ah,” He missed at first, but quickly set the boiler down again, and took a step back. “Ah, ah…” he whispered, “...Curse.”

“Huh? What happened?” the other’s persistent voice slowly got on Shuu’s nerves, or at least that’s how he interpreted the feeling. “Nothing. Forgive me for distracting you from work.” Shuu responded firmly, grabbing the rag near the small sink.

Shuu wiped the small steaming puddle off the counter with certain hesitation. Even though he layered the rag several times to make sure that the temperature doesn’t reach his skin, he still felt his fingers tremble.

Done. Okay, now he just has to stir the instant noodles, and return to the safety of his infirma—

“What’chu cooking~?” Very worryingly, Kazuaki’s voice was louder, standing right behind him. So painfully ironic that this startled Shuu. “Ra…men.” well that stutter didn’t help his pride. “Ooh~ I like this brand~...” Kazuaki circled around with his hands behind his back, “W-Woah, you eat the shrimp flavor? I thought no one ever bought those…!”

Unmoving, Shuu eyed the professor nervously. Out of all days in the week, in this particular month, he really was hoping for as little smalltalk as possible. The back of his neck began to feel warmer, intensifying the throbbing in his forehead again. If his anatomy allowed him, Shuu would prefer to turn invisible and flee into a dark silent room, but all he said was

“...I like shrimp.”

“T-The way you said that is so scary…” whispered Kazuaki nervously, but remained in that strangely giddy mood regardless. “Ooh, there’s still some water left! I’m gonna make tea…”

_ Why are you telling me that? I’m not stopping you. _

Shuu did not comment, but still felt tense as Kazuaki reached around to find a mug and a fruit tea box. Stirring his soup slowly, he silently began to back off and made his way to the door. But then that hoarse little voice chimed behind him again, “Wah, doctor! Would you like tea too~?”

Shuu turned around to see Kazuaki with a hopeful expression.

This is a tricky situation, in every way. This is a bad place that Shuu is in. With his physical health receding and emotional strength collapsing bit by bit, he felt like the best thing in the world to do in February would be to work his days away in the infirmary, or lab even, to lift his mood. Or better yet… Claim to take a week or so off for a mission overseas, when in reality he would stay in his unused grey apartment and sleep the days away.

That is the method he has used for… years… for… eleven years now. It did not make him feel better, but in case the bomb inside him did go off, at least there’d be no one to witness it.

Kazuaki’s expression downturned worryingly as the silence continued.

The offer to drink tea in the company of this bird… who despite his judgings, still smiles when they pass by one another in the hallway… That damned smile.

“U-Uh… Are you actually okay, Iwamine-kun? You look pale-, well, paler than usual… Did I say something wrong…?”

“...If it’s no problem to you,” Shuu finally answered, evading the other’s eyes, “I’d like a cup of tea, thank you. I think I have to sit down.”

“Oh!” And just like that the blond lit up a bit, “Yay! What kind of tea do you like? We have rosehip tea, peppermint tea, oolong tea, chamomile tea, peach panna cotta tea…”

“Chamomile is fine, thank you.”

“Okie~ I’ll take panna cotta… Or maybe rosehip…? What’s better…”

“...Rosehip likely has more useful benefits and less artificial flavoring…” mumbled Shuu while wandering to his very neat and organized assigned desk. Setting the cup of noodles and pills down, he sighed, “...It is rich in vitamin C…”

“Ohh, so it’ll probably be sour… hmph, but if doctor Iwamine says it, then it must be true. I’ll go with it, then…” Kazuaki took another mug and prepared the two teabags, promptly filling both mugs with water. His own tea unfortunately received a little less water…

Shuu continued massaging fore and the side of his head, gritting his teeth in annoyance. He opened one eye to watch Kazuaki pour down the tea. “I should’ve made a teapot instead… Uuu…” the professor whined a little. From what Shuu has observed about him, Kazuaki tends to talk with himself quite a lot. He also tends to do that thing that he’s doing right now. Somehow he gives off the impression that he is full of energy. Is he nervous, or happy?

Kazuaki approached his desk very slowly and carefully, which Shuu didn’t really mind either. “ _ Yoosh~ _ here’s your chamomile tea…” he hummed softly and set the flowery tea beside the cup noodles.

Kazuaki’s own desk was very surprisingly… Right ahead of Shuu. And by comparison it was definitely more chaotic and disorganized. He set his own tea on the desk, shoving some book away to make more space.

“...Thank you.” replied Shuu honestly. He looked up at Kazuaki when he giggled a little, “Y-You said that for the third time…”

An involuntary warmth came up to Shuu’s cheeks. It’s true. His demeanor is crumbling. The fact that he feels strained is making him act… emotion driven, is that it? Maybe choosing to stay in company was a bad idea. Nanaki is gonna keep talking. He is gonna keep asking questions. And with each personal question, that spark will speed up just a bit and lead Shuu closer to doing something terrifying.

_ But I feel so empty. _

He stirred his food a little more vigorously this time.

_ I want to be alone, but I don’t want to be. What on earth is happening to me? _

“Gaah, this room feels stuffy. I’ll open a window or else I’ll die…” Kazuaki stood up from his desk chair again and, with a lot of effort, scrambled his way to one of the windows to unhinge one. A cold breeze travelled through the room, brushing against Shuu’s aching little forehead. He breathed in, and exhaled, watching the steam of his foods dance in the air ever so lightly.

“...The sky is overcast and it’s kind of cold… but the light in this room is yellowish, and we have pleasant smelling tea…What a warm scenario.” Kazuaki remained by the window with a wistful expression, gazing out into the grey clouds. “So poetic…”

The gentle sun overlapped by clouds illuminated Kazuaki’s face in a special way, to Shuu, when he glanced his way. Seeing his lip curl up when they spoke ‘So poetic’, he seemed so pleased and optimistic by such an everyday occurrence… to Shuu.

_ Stop reminding me… please… _

He thought, snapping his eyes back to the tea and noodles. He thought, but did not know to whom it was directed.

Shuu put a hand over his eyes, lifting the red rimmed glasses in the process, prepping himself up on his elbows. He continued to breathe quietly and slowly as always, but not even in the darkness that he saw behind his eyelids was he safe. The thought was glued to his mind. The stupid, stupid thought.

“You didn’t answer me before, but…” Kazuaki’s voice was close again, “um, I hope this is okay to ask, but… are you actually okay?”

Swelling.

A painful sensation etched into Shuu’s throat. “Yes.” the answer was surprisingly quick, but he did not think to make a discouraging comment such as ‘mind your own business, professor.’ or changing the subject with a creepy comment. He knew now that Kazuaki was sitting in front of him again, but he could not uncover his eyes.

“H…Headache.” he stammered. Shuu pressed deeper into his own skin. “I’ll take painkillers in a moment, and then I’ll go away. Don’t mind me.” ...but it sounded like a plea.

Which Kazuaki mistook for annoyance. “Ok-Okay, sorry, sorry…” he swung back around in his chair and hunched over his desk.

“I don’t feel good. It was… It was a lie.” Admitted Shuu with a crack at the end. “But it can not be helped. Even if I would decide to go home earlier like you suggested, I will still feel sick tomorrow. So there is no need to worry.”

“Huh?”

That must’ve been a mistake. That was too much information. But what’s done is done, now Nanaki will punish him with questions.

“W-What? If you feel sick for a prolonged time, then that means you should go to a hospital, not ignore it!”

Shuu scoffed, “As an authority on health, I know very well what I am supposed to do. May I repeat that your concern is not……needed.”

The pressure building up inside his skull released in the form of an invisible, soundless, huff of smoke, perhaps. With eyes that were still squinting, Shuu released his hands and returned to the cup of noodles. As long as they’re not eaten, he can’t take a painkiller, and the headache will not end for the next several days. He stirred the pleasant-smelling ramen. Smell is the only thing that really saves foods like this. Most everything has this grey, dead appearance, which made an already appetite-loss Shuu even more unmotivated to eat.

But if you’d ask him, surely he’d say that he wouldn’t mind eating dead, grey, flesh.

“...Fork, huh. I would have preferred chopsticks. Oh well.” he mumbled thoughtlessly at the silver utensil.

After waiting for the lightly-steaming wrapped noodles on his fork to cool, he finally put it in his mouth. And he continued to eat without a sound, at first shooting a glance at Kazuaki to make sure he’s not staring, but then ate in peace.

Finally done with that. Shuu moved on to the mug of chamomile… Doing his best to ignore the absurd slogan written on it.

Kazuaki couldn’t help but gander in amazement when Shuu blew gently at the tea to cool it down. He did so, of course, sneakily enough that Shuu didn’t realize he was being watched.

There’s no other way to say it, Shuu Iwamine sipped on tea like an absolute darling, and that is an objective way to describe it.

He took two pills, followed by a gulp of the tension taming tea. “…Now then…”

Technically he should drink as much fluid as possible for the effect of a painkiller to work, and technically he should now occupy himself with something that is not intense but distracting enough for his focus to shift, and let the pain dissolve without him noticing.

“...Huh.” Shuu’s eyes caught red color as he passed by Kazuaki’s desk, on his way to the sink, stopping. “That book…”

“Hm?” The professor looked up and then back down at the book beneath his hand, “ _ ‘The Life Of Michelle Guard’ _ ? Do you know it?”

“...Yes, I’ve studied the case quite thoroughly.” Shuu replied lowly, “The secretarybird who survived a terrifying kidnapping. She was held hostage for almost a year in a psychopath’s basement, isn’t that right…” he raised an eyebrow, looking Kazuaki right in the face, “I…quite frankly did not expect a story this intense anywhere near you, Nanaki. Aren’t you deathly afraid of everything, let alone something like this?”

“Y…Yes, it’s…very scary…” he frowned, “Eighteen-year-old me wouldn’t be able to handle something like this, but I guess I like to… study the psychology of… People like…”

Kazuaki looked up at Shuu, realizing his mistake a little too late. “N-Not, no, um, people like,  _ that! _ Miss Guard had such a terrible life from the beginning, it’s so depressing. I can’t believe that she’s still alive and finally recovering… The fact that after a tough childhood, teenage years, and this absolute despair in her adulthood she managed to climb out, get justice, heal, and now has a nice family of her own…”

Shuu listened to the other intently. Kazuaki opened the cover, revealing the first page of the book, with some unreadable text and a black and white photograph of the secretarybird from a foreign country, currently, with a wise expression on her face.

“...It’s inspiring, I think…” concluded Kazuaki.

“...I see.” Shuu’s voice became a murmur, “...That is an… Interesting take.”

He realized that he is still holding the two empty cups in his hands, and resumed to the pseudo-kitchen-corner of the staff room, tossing the plastic in trash, and everything else in the local dishwasher. The doctor stood there for a moment to think about his next course of action, staring blankly at the wall, until:

“Aah…” Another unfamiliar voice caused Shuu to glance over his shoulder. “What are you two… talking about…?”

“Uzune?”

Kazuaki did the same but with far more enthusiasm, chirping: “Hitori!”

In the far back of the staff room was a bit of a peaceful corner with bookshelves, shelves for documents and some random but useful office supplies, and two sofas. Anyone is free to occupy these spots and relax for a while, but it is an unspoken golden rule that one of these particular couches is reserved for professor Uzune, the king quail with narcolepsy. He manages his disorder well and doesn’t appear here every day, but by all means.

“Hello…” he sat up, still waking up, “Oh my. For how long was I asleep?”

“Eh, maybe twenty minutes?” Kazuaki got up from his desk and quickly made his way to the other.

“That’s long. Shit… I have to get back to—”

Hitori’s grumbles were cut short by something warm and fluffy hopping onto him into a hug. “Yaay, I’m so happy! I-I thought you already went home, I didn’t realize you’ve been here the whole timee…”

Kazuaki gave Hitori a little kiss on the cheek, to which the other just snickered and papped the other on the shoulder, “Ahah, I see…”

The quails’ voices quieted down into secretive whispers, smiling at each other peacefully. Shuu watched them from across the room, his shoulders dropped, eventually, along with his stare. They both looked intimate…

…Kazuaki looked happier than any moment prior.

He put his hands in the pockets of his lab coat, finally forcing his eyes off the two men, and headed for the door with a bit of a limp. The light pounding in the right side of his head is bound to fade away soon, he should think about the activity he will partake for the rest of the day to avoid…

“Hey, Iwamine.” Hitori’s voice interrupted him again. “Where are you going? Back to the infirmary? It’s getting late. Don’t you want to go home?”

Shuu stopped right in front of the door, again looking back at Hitori who is still being held by Kazuaki. “...Yes. And for the second question, no.”

“But you have a headache!” Kazuaki added, “You really should!”

“Fluorescent lamps are made of mercury gas and give off ultraviolet light, you know. If you spend hours upon hours in the school labs, you can get sick. It’s like sitting under the sun for hours.”

“I am aware of that.” Shuu replied calmly.

“W-Well… Well then.” stammered Hitori, “If you know what you’re doing, then… Take care.”

“...I do what I can.”

Shuu gave one last comment before finally leaving the room, “Goodbye.”

On his slow way through the hallway from the staff room to the infirmary he still felt bothered by something. Interactions like that never make him any smarter, but the moment he left the room a familiar, heavy feeling returned to the pit of his chest. Starting with the headache, now his leg is starting to feel tense, as if an invisible bandage is squeezing it just tight enough to be annoying and distasteful. He sighed deeply, and slowly, remembering the things that have just occurred. New facts to know about Kazuaki Nanaki. And the image of his face. Inspired when acknowledging the ‘poetry’ that surrounds them, standing by the window. And the way his entire expression radiated when he showered Hitori with affection. It radiated something indeed, something… toxic to Shuu, specifically.

Shuu closed the infirmary door behind himself as last shadowy whisps snuck in there along with him. He locked the door with a depressed expression.

.

.

.

* * *

.

.

.

“...Perfect.” Shuu Iwamine’s murmur of a voice chastised his patient, “Good boy.”

He smiled seeing how that comment relaxed Kazuaki. The blond took a deep breath in and exhaled, just as instructed. His head turned away from the sight of the doctor taking syringe after syringe of blood from his left arm.

“...That’ll be all.” Shuu concluded.

“Please hold this bandage over the entry hole. Thank you. No, not that light… Like this, this is right.”

Gracefully and flawlessly, the doctor removed the top of his needle along with his rubber gloves, bundled the two together and tossed into trash, but not before organizing the dozen stacked vials of dark crimson blood on the nearby platter and placing them on his desk in the coolest and shadiest area.

Kazuaki waited, pressing the bandage square in his left elbow determinedly. Shuu returned to him, commanding to remove the square again. And so, to finally finish the job, he stuck a white bandaid on the microscopic injury that was left behind by the needle.

“...D-Did I do good…?” Kazuaki asked shyly.

Shuu gave a firm nod, “Yes. Thank you for the donation…Oh my.”

“Huh?”

Shuu was looking down at the mattress beneath him. Kazuaki followed his gaze, and… shrieked quickly, flinching away. “Uwaaa!! Blood!!”

Just a small… well, relatively small splatter, like the size of a small child’s palm. Shuu raised his brows, “How did that get there…Could it be that I’ve gotten so caught up in the blood taking that I missed a leakage? Or wait…”

He lifted Kazuaki’s arm, examining it quickly, “No, it didn’t leak directly out of your elbow…”

“I-I didn’t feel anything strange at any point.” Kazuaki explained honestly. “Hmm…Hey, doctor…Maybe it was something with the needle?”

“The needle?” Shuu repeated, looking him in the eyes. “...You know what…”

He stood up from the stool, rushing to his desk. Delicately Shuu turned over the individual vials of blood for a bit, until, “Aha. Curse.” he lifted one vial and held it under the light to see… a ridiculously long crack in the glass. “Blood is leaking out of this one. How could this happen.” Shuu didn’t sound very amused despite the worrying words. He blinked when a drop of Kazuaki’s blood landed on his cheek. “...Y-...You were right, professor. I probably wouldn’t have noticed this until much later.”

“Huh? I was?” Kazuaki lit up.

“...Yes, Thank you... yet again.” Shuu proceeded to put the vial under water in the sink, flushing down all of the red fluid with the drain. He cleaned his face with a tissue while at it, and looked around to see if the pesky vial let out more blood on his route through the infirmary. “But ah, it’s no problem… Sakazaki will have duty tomorrow… I’ll simply tell him to clean the remains up. Hohohoho…”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~
> 
> This was a bit tricky to write at first because of the way I established the previous chapters but I hope this will still be enjoyable and useful in the end.
> 
> We haven’t had a chapter from Shuu’s POV have we? The first was, so here it is again. He is feeling particularly weak today... weak and sad... there is a lot weighing on his shoulders on February.
> 
> So yes, the first part of the fic is a bit of a flash in the past...


End file.
